I just needed to talk about my eating disorder because it's getting worse and worse and i can't do it anymore 

Ik it's getting worse when i cry and panic over a small meal and my body shaking for 6hs and i could't even breath 

It's rlly a big part of my life now

And every fucking person around me knows that i have problems with food

All my childhood i was Bulied bc of my body and skin tone, I wasn't black or something like that i just wasn't white as they were. 

"?All my life ppl told me "you're gonna eat all that 

And things like this

And at 13 i decided to lose weight and go on a diet. I tried everything like EVERYTHING. 

I tried gym i tried eating healthy i tried starving i tried everything in this world to be skinny and pretty 

But no matter what i do i can never feel pretty, maybe sometimes with makeup and filters. 

Everything is getting worse and idk how long i can live like this

When i see food i pee myself (sorry). I just can't do this anymore, everyday i wake up and i think okay how can i skip meals today how can i eat less how can i starv myself to death and i'm tired of this, i just want to be normal i just want to eat like a normal person without feeling guilty or trying to throwing the food up. Ik ppl tell me that i'm skinny asf but all i can see in the mirror is a fatass girl 

I just can't look at food anymore, even thinking of food make me wanna kms or throw up; i hate my body i hate everything about it i can't look at the mirror anymore 

I can't see myself pretty even if everyone says that i'm so skinny and pretty 

I don't even care about my weight that much

If i'm 40kg and i can't still feel skinny enough i still can't stop (i'm 45 now i think) 

Yes that's it i really needed to share this somewere 

Sorry for all this shits i hope ppl with ED can recover someday. 

خیلی سخت بود چون هوا بشدت گرم بود ولی حال داددد چون یهو وسط چمنا وقتی کلی ادم اینور اونور بود شروع کردیم رقصیدن😭 حال داد میصرفید

پسرم بهم یه نقاشی و گردنبند اسپیرال داد خیلی عاشقشونم☹️

Even if my heart stops beating 

You're the only thing I need

یه پروژه ی گروهیه کی.ریییییییییی داده بهمون و دارم روانی میشم چونکه خیلی سخته🙀 میدونید که رشتم انیمیشنه و دارم روی یه پروژه ی جالب و همزمان اعصاب خوردکن کار میکنم و قسمته داستانش به عهده ی منه

داستانش راجبه یه پری دریایی و یه دختر ماهیگیره که ازخونه فرارکرده🌈

I was with him last week but i miss him sm, That feeling of longing suddenly came to me. 

All I can do is hug my little pillow and stare at the wall and think about him for about 50 mins. Omg💔 FUCK THIS SHIT

(i hope my grammer is correct) 

دیروز فکرکردم خیلی توهمه ولی امروز توهمی تر از دیروز بود چون خیلی رندوم مامانم گفت بیابرو خونه ی دوستت😨 اونم ساعت 9 شب😨  شاید برای شما باورنکردنی نباشه ولی برای من خیلییی باور نکردنیه

از وقتی وارد هنرستان شدم زندگیم توهمی بیش نیست💔

خیلی دوست دارم انیمیشنای جالب با بویفی درست کنم ولی باید خیلی بیشتر روی آرت استایلم کار کنم چون شاشیدم💔 

دوست دارم در اینده برم ژاپن اگه خدابخواد🙏🏿 

اره همین دیگه، امیدوارم از حرفای کصشرم خسته نشید🌈