TW talking about my ED
Hey it's been a long time since i posted
I just needed to talk about my eating disorder because it's getting worse and worse and i can't do it anymore
Ik it's getting worse when i cry and panic over a small meal and my body shaking for 6hs and i could't even breath
It's rlly a big part of my life now
And every fucking person around me knows that i have problems with food
All my childhood i was Bulied bc of my body and skin tone, I wasn't black or something like that i just wasn't white as they were.
"?All my life ppl told me "you're gonna eat all that
And things like this
And at 13 i decided to lose weight and go on a diet. I tried everything like EVERYTHING.
I tried gym i tried eating healthy i tried starving i tried everything in this world to be skinny and pretty
But no matter what i do i can never feel pretty, maybe sometimes with makeup and filters.
Everything is getting worse and idk how long i can live like this
When i see food i pee myself (sorry). I just can't do this anymore, everyday i wake up and i think okay how can i skip meals today how can i eat less how can i starv myself to death and i'm tired of this, i just want to be normal i just want to eat like a normal person without feeling guilty or trying to throwing the food up. Ik ppl tell me that i'm skinny asf but all i can see in the mirror is a fatass girl
I just can't look at food anymore, even thinking of food make me wanna kms or throw up; i hate my body i hate everything about it i can't look at the mirror anymore
I can't see myself pretty even if everyone says that i'm so skinny and pretty
I don't even care about my weight that much
If i'm 40kg and i can't still feel skinny enough i still can't stop (i'm 45 now i think)
Yes that's it i really needed to share this somewere
Sorry for all this shits i hope ppl with ED can recover someday.